I had to post this blog specifically today when all the rush and the noise and the fun of the holidays are over. Then it will be as we call “back to reality” again. So where am I now?
Before I answer that question, let me take you back to the year that was… The year 2017 was like a roller coaster ride with my health and my emotions, which both seriously affected my soul and my spirit. There were days when I’d feel so down and weary from being sick, week after week. My emotions were so uncontrollable. Some friends say, and I read them from everywhere too, and well I took it in and thought, “yeah, this is the fearful peri-menopausal period”. If I had to put an illustration to it, it would really be like riding a roller coaster with all the loops and turns, and sudden drops. If I have to describe it in one word, it would be “unpredictable”.
Through it all though, there is one very popular verse that kept me going on:
Be still, and know that I Am God. Psalm 46:10
For me, this used to mean, to simply stop and wait on God, but after all my highs and lows, I realized, to be still, means to let go, to let fall or to let drop. It means, absolute abandon. This is a posture so new to me being a self-confessed obsessive compulsive person as I am, I am so used to having control and not settling unless things are in perfection. I have to say this has been so challenging not just for me, but for the people around me, so I gathered (and mind you, I still am) as much strength and tried as difficult as it was, to continuously learn how to cast my cares on God…
Every time I do, something unexplainable happens – it gives me peace… Something that is so profound and hard to explain. It made me realize that during those difficult times, it was God teaching me in a fresh and new way.
Now, the phrase “know that I am God”, had a different lesson as well. I used to think knowing God means, to have a knowledge of the Gospel, to read the Word, and to be compelled by the Holy Spirit, but those are actions I do to know Him and in doing so I see layers of the many natures of God. I realized that by being truly still, I get to know God and see a glimpse of who He really is, and how He purposes for Himself to be revealed to me. Now, that is different – knowing God than He making Himself known! With that realization, it gave me an opportunity to grasp fully, embrace unconditionally, who God is as He reveals Himself amidst the turmoil inside me and around me.
Now, as I face 2018, I have a new sense of peace, something that I can share to the people I love and care the most, and to #builddeeper with – my family, my relatives, my friends, and to anyone, who’s willing to be still and to know God in a whole new way.
So to answer the question earlier, “So, where am I now?” Here’s my reply, “Today, I can confidently say that I am exactly where I need to be – at the heart of knowing my God who is unwavering and unchanging; a faithful, promise-keeping God. I am ready to journey again with Him, and no matter what circumstance I may face, I say this with holy fear that, I know He knows about it and He is in control…”